When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
