Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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