is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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