i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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