I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
the liver wants what the liver wants
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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