Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
