Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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