Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
