How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
