i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
