you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize