every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
