Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm having to shit out rocks
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
