I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
His nipple licking is glorious
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