she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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