Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
