No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
