I want to make a zoo with you.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
