I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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