FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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