jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize