I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
