I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
