I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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