Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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