hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
