tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
