ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
