I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
send nudes
from the living room?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
