capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
