She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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