i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
