I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
