we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
