So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
