Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
