I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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