I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We don't watch enough power rangers
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
