i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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