i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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