Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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