Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
