i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
