my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
smell my finger.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
