She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
