I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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