no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
