coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
