I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
