She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
