Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
