At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
