My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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