i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
