I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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