one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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