you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
