I got chris browned last night
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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