It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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