Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
