We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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