I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
BRING THE BAGELS
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
