all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
